I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
