im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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