Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
