god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
