If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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