dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
