True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
