My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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