i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
