Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
