The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
