Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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