Your face is a jimmy john
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
