I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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