wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
