Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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