I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
