When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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