Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
