i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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