He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
