He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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