I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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