He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
