after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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