Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
