On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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