Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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