I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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