Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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