No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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