How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
