she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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