If i come over, it means nothing
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
