At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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