hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
