Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
