I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
