Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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