At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
