don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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