Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
