the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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