Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
