i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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