He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
