you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
