My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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