32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
