24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
