You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
