Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He kissed a someone with a penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
